I lost a baby. It was a long time ago, but I can bring up the memories very easily, and usually end up sobbing. I am not sure if it was a boy or a girl, but I loved it so much. I knew in my head there was a possibility I could lose my baby. I wouldn’t let my husband tell anyone about the baby at the time….just in case. I thought I was prepared for a miscarriage, but I was not. I am still stunned by the physical and emotional pain I endured. It was horrible, gut wrenching. Definitely one of the worst experiences of my life, that very few people even know about. The world kept turning, my other children needed me, but I was in slow motion and hurting.
OH! You just had an early term miscarriage, that’s all. You didn’t really lose a child. …I know that is what some of you are thinking…
Nope. I did. Not just a child, MY child. It was growing in my belly and I had beautiful plans and dreams for my child. I had kisses and I love you’s just waiting to be planted. It is still so hard to “go” there. I still think about that baby 12-ish years later. It makes my heart hurt. I wonder…boy or girl? I wonder how my little one is doing in heaven and KNOW I will one day find out all about them.
Its hard being a mom sometimes. You love all your kiddos so much. You love them so much it hurts. I know several moms who have had more then 1 miscarriage and I can not fathom what a painful time that had to be for them.
So this is for Mom’s with such a FIERCE MOM LOVE that they are hurting. For Mom’s who have lost one or many of their babies before or after birth. Those Mom’s with children in the hospital, with children they seemingly and frustratingly can’t help. Those hurting with silent hurts or those feeling overwhelmed and insecure. Exhausted with an infant, or exhausted with a teenager! Keep on keeping on. Keep on with your big love. Keep loving. Keep wiping up food dribbles and changing poopie diapers. Keep kissing boo-boo’s and packing nice lunches for school. It all matters, in whatever way we go about it. They need us, and we keep on.
Galatians 6:9 Let us not be weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Psalm 68:19 Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.
John 16:22 So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.
I knew I wanted to write about this just thinking of Mother’s Day. I wanted to send out a few words of encouragement for all the mom’s out there. Your children need you and love you so much. The risk is worth the reward. We don’t know all that God has planned, or what it all means yet, but we know he is good. Scanning the internet another mom mentioned this tip that I will pass along. There are many encouraging bible versus, and you can easily look up the topic on the internet to get lists of them. Write 5-10 of your favorites on index cards and keep them in your purse, etc…and READ THEM! After a period of time you will memorize them and be able to pull them into your mind when you get overwhelmed or are hurting. Know that you are not alone out there-we all have been there at one time or another. Trust and rely on GOD and he will carry you through to the other side.
Happy Mother’s Day. You have been blessed with the BEST job in the world. Keep on keeping on!
Momster 4 Christ 